Chuck Maddox’s Watch Blog

This page is a journal of my journey in the field of Horology, which is timekeeping. In other words, watch collecting. Which in my case is the collecting of chronograph watches. To contact me, email me at: cmaddox3@sbcglobal.net .

Name:
Location: Chicagoland, United States

The Extremely wordy version of my Resumé is located here: http://home.xnet.com/~cmaddox/resume.html

Friday, December 17, 2004

This'll get you laughing, When more is less...

 This'll get you laughing, When more is less... I just spied this article over at TimeZone and I had to share...


picture used without permission, will delete upon request, owner of picture is Rob &/or Paul who own this image (I'm assuming), the only reason for including this picture is to direct people over to their site so they can read about this, and that page may contain information that is confidential, privileged or unsuitable for overly sensitive persons with low self-esteem, no sense of humour or irrational policical, social, legal, or religious beliefs. If this is the case, please gouge out your eyes, cut off your tounge and hands. Don't drink and drive, you might spill some. Stupid people have stupid children, if you are stupid, Please! Don't have sex!. Slippery when wet. Items in mirror may be closer than they appear, and linking to this site may constitute an irritating social faux pas. Unless the word absquatulation has been used in its correct context somewhere other than in this warning, it does not have any legal or grammatical use and may be ignored. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental... Please don't tell them. No animals were harmed in the transmission of this information, although the yorkshire terrier next door is living on borrowed time, let me tell you. Do not operate trucks or heavy equipment while reading this disclaimer. Not responsible for incontinence or flatulence that readers may suffer In the unlikely event of a water landing a printout of this message can be used as a floatation device, just not as an effective one. Void where prohibited. This end up ^, No children under the age of 17 will be admitted. Those of you with an overwhelming fear of the unknown will be gratified to learn that there is no hidden message revealed by reading this warning backwards (at least I'm pretty sure there isn't), so just ignore that Alert Notice from Microsoft: However, by pouring a complete circle of salt around yourself and your computer you can ensure that no harm befalls you and your pets, except for the salt vampires. Rotate your tires. Speak glowingly of those greater than yourself and heed well their advice even though they be turkeys; know what to kiss and when. Consider that two wrongs never make a right but that three do. This disclaimer is dolphin safe, and won't stick to most dental work. Void where prohibited. The life you save might be your own. I hope you can live with that. I couldn't. Some assembly required. List each check separately by bank number. Batteries not included -- good luck them. Contents may settle during shipment. Use only as directed. No other warranty expressed or implied. Do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment. Postage will be paid by addressee. Subject to approval. This is not an offer to sell securities. Apply only to affected area. May be too intense for some viewers. Do not stamp. Use other side for additional listings. For recreational use only. Do not disturb. All models over 18 years of age. If condition persists, consult your physician. Freshest if eaten before date on carton. Subject to change without notice. Times approximate. Simulated picture. No postage necessary if mailed in the United States. Breaking seal constitutes acceptance of agreement. For off-road use only. As seen on TV. One size fits all. Many suitcases look alike. Contains a substantial amount of non-tobacco ingredients. Colors may, in time, fade. Do not taunt this disclaimer. We have sent the forms which seem to be right for you. For office use only. Not affiliated with the American Red Cross. Drop in any mailbox. Edited for television. Keep cool; process promptly. Post office will not deliver without postage. List was current at time of printing. Return to sender, no forwarding order on file, unable to forward. Not responsible for direct, indirect, incidental or consequential damages resulting from any defect, error or failure to perform. At participating locations only. Not the Beatles. Penalty for private use. See label for sequence. Substantial penalty for early withdrawal. Do not read past the sentence before this one. Be alert, the world needs more lert's. Falling rocks! Lost ticket pays maximum rate. Your cancelled check is your receipt. Add toner. Place stamp here. Avoid contact with skin. Sanitized for your protection. Be sure each item is properly endorsed. Sign here without admitting guilt. Slightly higher west of the Mississippi. Employees and their families are not eligible. Don't worry about the dog, beware the owner. Contestants have been briefed on some questions before the show. Limited time offer, call now to insure prompt delivery. You must be present to win. No passes accepted for this engagement. No purchase necessary. Processed at location stamped in code at top of carton. Shading within a garment may occur. Use only in well-ventilated area. Keep away from fire or flame. Replace with same type. Locusts! Approved for veterans. Booths for two or more. Check here if tax deductible. Some equipment shown is optional. Price does not include taxes. No Canadian coins. Not recommended for children. Trespassers will be shot, survivors will be shot again. Prerecorded for this time zone. Reproduction strictly prohibited. No solicitors. No alcohol, dogs, or horses. For ages 4 to 400. No anchovies unless otherwise specified. Restaurant package, not for resale. Righty Tighty - Lefty Loosy. List at least two alternate dates. First pull up, then pull down. Call toll free before digging. Driver does not carry cash. Some of the trademarks mentioned in this product appear for identification purposes only. Record additional transactions on back of previous stub. Decision of judges is final. KHAN!!! This supersedes all previous notices. Wherever possible, put people on hold. Be comforted that in the face of all aridity & disillusionment and despite the changing fortunes of time, there will always be a big future in computer maintenance. Remember the Pueblo. Strive at all times to bend, fold, spindle, & mutilate. Know yourself; if you need help, call the FBI. Exercise caution in your daily affairs, especially with those persons closest to you. That lemon on your left, for instance. For a good time, call 606-4311; ask for Kandy. If you have received this email in error, please add some nutmeg and egg whites and place it in a warm oven for 40 minutes. Whisk briefly to a delicate froth and let it stand for 2 hours before icing. Reflect that whatever misfortune may be your lot, it could only be worse in Milwaukee. I had Jell-o today. This message represents the official view of the voices in my head. Your eyes are weary from staring at the CRT. You feel sleepy. Notice how restful it is to watch the cursor blink. Close your eyes. The opinions stated above are yours. You cannot imagine why you ever felt otherwise. We take no responsibility for non-receipt of this email because you are probably currently running Windows NT or have in the past & everyone knows how glitchy that can be. The comments & opinions expressed herein are my own and NOT those of my employer, who, if he knew I was sending emails and surfing porno sites, would cut off my gonads and feed them to me for afternoon tea. Allergy alert: may contain nutmeg, but we doubt it. Return for refund where applicable. Not recommended for persons with sugar-restricted diets. Proud sponsor of the 1934 penguin olympic games at McMurdo Sound, Antarctica. May cause irritability, sleeplessness or warts after prolonged use. Contents under pressure. BHT added to preserve freshness. Caution: this product has caused some laboratory rats to rip through their cages, fly across the room and brutally murder hundreds of innocent people. Shake well before using. No vacuum tubes or other user-serviceable parts inside. Not to be combined with other radioisotopes except under the advice of a physician. Avoid prolonged exposure to ultraviolet light. The truth is out there. Use no hooks. Stop here on red. Hostess will seat you. Trucks over 4 tons excluded. Void where prohibited by law. Some assembly required. This is a test of the emergency broadcast system - this is ONLY A TEST! List each check separately by bank number. Batteries not included. Contents may settle during shipment. Use only as directed. For indoor or outdoor use only. Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly. We make no other warranties, expressed or implied. Do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment. Postage will be paid by addressee. Postal service will not deliver mail without postage. No postage necessary if mailed in the United States. Subject to CAB approval. This is not an offer to sell securities. May be too intense for some viewers. See other side for additional listings. This product is meant for educational purposes only. For recreational use only. For office use only. For entertainment purposes only. Only 1 winner per household. Do not disturb. All models are over 18 years of age. Apply only to infected areas. If condition persists, consult your physician. Take two of these and call me in the morning. An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Now with new plastic applicator. High altitude directions-increase cook time by 10 minutes. This is not an attorney advertisement or referal service. No user-serviceable parts inside. Website contains small parts and is not intended for use by children under the age of eighteen. This compact disc was originally recorded on analog equipment. Freshest if eaten before date on carton. Times are approximate. Do not disturb. Simulated picture. Even during daylight savings time. Please remain seated until the ride comes to a complete stop. Return your seatback and tray table to their normal upright position. Oxygen masks will pop out of the top of your monitor. The call you have made requires a 20 cent deposit. Breaking seal constitutes acceptance of agreement. For off-road use only. Do not block intersection. No stopping or standing. Don't even think about parking here. No parking when road is snow covered. As seen on TV. One size fits all. Product will be hot after heating. Do not iron clothes on body. Remove clothing before distributing in washing machine. Do not use while sleeping. Do not use on food. Many suitcases look alike. Contains a substantial amount of non-Tobacco ingredients. Colors may fade. Insert this end first. This page made from 100% recycled electrons. No substitutions allowed. For a limited time only. Void where prohibited, taxed, or otherwise restricted. Caveat emptor. Provided "as-is" without warranty. Reader assumes full responsibility. We are an equal opportunity employer. No shoes, no shirt, no service. Quantities are limited while supplies last. If any defects are discovered, do not attempt to fix them yourself, but return to an authorized service center. Read at your own risk. Parental advisory - explicit lyrics. No Tickee, No Shirtee! Text may contain explicit materials some readers may find objectionable, parental guidance is advised. Keep away from sunlight. Keep away from pets and small children. Limit one per family please. No money down. No purchase necessary. Not affiliated with the American Red Cross. Drop in any mailbox. Edited for television. Keep cool. Process promptly. Return to sender, no forwarding order on file, unable to forward. Not responsible for direct, indirect, incidental or consequential damages resulting from any defect, error or failure to perform. Webmaster is also not responsible for items left, lost or stolen. At participating locations only. Sold by weight, not by volume. Penalty for private use. See label for sequence. This web site rated 'R' for Mature audiences. Do not take with alcohol. Sealed for your protection - do not use if safety seal is broken. Substantial penalty for early withdrawal. Falling rock. Use seatbelts even with airbags. Do not stop on railroad tracks. Lost ticket pays maximum rate. Your canceled check is your receipt. Add toner. Place stamp here. Avoid contact with skin. Sanitized for your protection. Employees must wash hands before returning to work. Caution, coffee is served HOT. Be sure each item is properly endorsed. Sign here without admitting guilt. Slightly higher west of the Mississippi. Hire people with hooks. Employees and their families are not eligible. Contestants have been briefed on some questions before the show. Soundtrack ilmed in front of a live, studio audience. Show was projected onto a blue screen though. Call now to ensure prompt delivery. Leave off the last S for savings. Calls may be monitored for quality assurance or training purposes. Please make your selections from the following menu. All representatives are still busy assisting other callers. Please stay on the line and a representative will be with you when they feel like. Please call back during our normal business hours. You must be present to win. Winners need not be present to win. No passes accepted for this engagement. Do not use this product with a petroleum based lubricant. No electrons were harmed in the preparation of this web site; only humans. This web page contains no CFCs. Discontinue use if nausea or dizziness occurs. Shading within a garment may occur. Use only in a well-ventilated area. Keep away from fire or flames. No soliciting. Bridge freezes before road surface. Stop, get ticket. Right lane must turn right. Left lane must turn left. Middle lane must make up their damn minds. This site runs on unleaded fuel only. Objects in mirror may be closer than they appear. Buses and carpools with two or more people only. No hitchhiking. Components may be hot. Silica gel - do not eat. Not to be used in conjunction with any other offer. Details on reverse side. Shoplifters will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. We reserve the right to check all bags, coats clipboards & personal belongings upon exiting this page. Recycle. Fragile - handle with care. This side up. No jumping or diving. No running by the pool. Register has less than $50 after dark. Driver does not carry cash. No swimming unless lifeguard is present. Swim at your own risk! Please do not wade in fountain. Guaranteed low prices. Not transferable. Actual size not shown. Contents under pressure. Do not intentionally inhale vapors. Replace with same type. Approved for veterans. Please be kind, rewind. Booths for two or more. Check here if tax deductible. Action figures sold separately. No preservatives added. Some equipment shown is optional. Price does not include tax. No additives preserved. Do not remove any HTML tags under penalty of law. I hate indecision - I think... Hand wash only - tumble dry on low heat. No Canadian coins. Short circuit may cause fire. No more than 3 transactions per car. Not recommended for small children. Prerecorded for this time zone. Reproduction strictly prohibited. No alcohol, dogs or horses. Not for resale. List at least two alternate dates. Blackout dates may apply. Viewing by pregnant women may result in fetal injury, premature birth and low birth weight. Tab A into Slot B. Call toll free number before digging. This space intentionally left blank. Some of the trademarks mentioned in this product appear for identification purposes only. Record additional transactions on back of previous stub.No transfers issued until the bus comes to a complete stop. Doors do not rebound or bounce back. Your mileage may vary. This article does not reflect the thoughts or opinions of either myself, my company, my friends, or my pet airedale. Don't quote me on that. Don't quote me on anything. All rights reserved. Patent pending. For internal rectal use only. Avoid extreme temperatures. Avoid contact with eyes and skin. Yes, and don't use it there either. Do not puncture, incinerate, or store above 120 degrees Fahrenheit. Do not place near a magnetic source. Smoking could be hazardous to your health. Cigarette Smoke Contains Carbon Monoxide. Smoking Causes Lung Cancer, Heart Disease, Emphysema. The best safeguard, second only to abstinence, is the use of a condom. No salt, MSG, artificial color or flavoring added. If ingested, induce vomiting. Ribbed for her pleasure. Offer valid only at participating locations. Colder near the lake. Allow four to six weeks for delivery. You may distribute this article freely, but may not make a profit from it. Actual cash value of this website is 1/1000th of a cent. Wear your seatbelt. Don't take candy from strangers... or strange people... or anyone really. Illustrations are slightly enlarged to show detail. If something offends you, lighten up, get a life and move on. Terms are subject to change without notice. All decisions are final! This supersedes all previous notices. Disclaimer does not cover misuse, accident, lightning, flood, tornado, tsunami, volcanic eruption, earthquake, hurricanes, or other acts of God, neglect, damage from improper use, incorrect line voltage, unauthorized use, unauthorized repair, improper installation, typos, broken antenna or marred cabinet, missing or altered serial numbers, electromagnetic radiation from nuclear blasts, sonic boom vibrations, customer adjustments that are not covered in this list, and incidents owing to an airplane crash, ship sinking or taking on water, motor vehicle crashing, dropping the item, falling rocks, leaky roof, broken glass, disk failure, accidental file deletions, mud slides, forest fire, hitting of a deer, milk coming out of your nose due to laughing while drinking, or projectiles, which can include, but are not limited to, arrows, bullet shots, BBs, shrapnel, lasers, napalm, torpedoes, emissions of X-rays, Alpha, Beta and Gamma rays, knives, stones, etc. or any/everything else we forgot to include. This disclaimer may not be copied or reproduced in any form without the expressed written consent of whoever I stole it from. This disclaimer includes rodents, insects and animals considered to be vermin. Not intended for use by liberals or children under the age of five. Printed on unrecycled dead trees and we're proud of it. In the unlikely event that you do get this far in this disclaimer message then please note that we take no responsibility for that either. Nor will we accept any liability, tacit or implied, for any damage you may or may not incur as a result of receiving, or not, as the case may be, from time to time, notwithstanding all liabilities implied or otherwise, ummm, sh¡t, where was I.. umm, no matter what happens, IT's NOT, and NEVER WILL BE, OUR FAULT! pffffffht! Get over it!

83 Jewels too many? By Rob B, and Paul Delury

3 Comments:

Blogger Chuck Maddox said...

Aren't you glad I only posted one picture this time around? -- C

Friday, December 17, 2004 2:23:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well, I certainly enjoyed the disclaimer, that is for sure. :-D

Frank N.

Saturday, December 18, 2004 2:10:00 AM  
Blogger Speedmaster said...

Chuck,

Great disclaimer! But you forgot my two favorites that I out in every piece of software that I write.

-- This software is dolphin safe, and won't stick to dental work. :-)

Saturday, December 18, 2004 6:40:00 AM  

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home